grand picture of Jesus

Isaiah said, "I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: with two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:

'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;

  the whole earth is full of his glory.'

this image of these angels flying above Him covering themselves because they cannot behold the sight of Him. He is too great, He is the Almighty. they feel the utmost reverence and respect for Him. they bow down to Him and tremble from His presence. and there He is, seated on His throne, high and exalted. his whole robe fills the entire temple, the temple that fills all of heaven. there He sits. the entire heavens lower their heads to worship Him. holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty. He is separated from us, set apart for glory.

here He is magnificent and awesome, and here i am thinking i could even compare, refusing to bow to Him, consumed in myself, focused on my needs. my attitude should be the same as that of Jesus, who "humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!"

do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

philippians 2:3

my actions do not resonate with the truth of this verse. i have judged others and considered myself better than them because they have not done what i think is right. i have forgotten Jesus. i have become all too familiar with the "friend" idea, that he is my friend and he loves me. but he reminds how infinitely greater he is than i am, how he is worthy of all praise, and i am none. if i were to stand at his throne, i wouldn't even be a speck on the ground. remembering his glory over all the earth, i stand humiliated by my weakness and my foolish pride.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your eye?...You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye"

Matthew 7:3-5

i judge too quickly and it overtakes my thoughts. i need to look within first before i say anything about things around me.

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let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:22-25

the LORD gives and takes away

but i will choose to say,

LORD, blessed be Your name.

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

Psalm 119:50

He will bring us up out of it.

going home

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven; inasmuch as we, having put it on, shall not be found naked. For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed, but to be clothed, in order that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge. Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord—for we walk by faith, not by sight—we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore also we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad

i used to be so scared of death. i would take those online quizzes to see how i would die and then just mope over the results. watching movies in which loved ones die, i would think and rethink what it would be like if i died or my parents or my brother and sister. even small things like being in the dark with my bedroom door open would scare me because i thought that a burglar would come in and rob and kill me. i was so paranoid about my surroundings and death bothered me through and through.

but it's different now. i don't dwell on the iminence of death. in fact, i don't think i even worry about death. i'm not scared of it anymore, for i know what is to come. in these last couple of months i have taken so much joy in the future, eternal life with Christ. i'll be home with Him. what greater peace and joy could i ask for?

Does the thought of dying give us more pain at losing what we love on earth than it gives us joy at gaining Christ?

- John Piper

oh the beauty of waiting on experiments to happen...gives me just enough time to listen to piper :)

we are called to suffer for the name of Christ, but what happens when that suffering seems beyond our capability? the Bible says that we will not be tested beyond what we can bear, but what if we are? what if everything, literally everything, around you was falling apart? your parents are sick and in poor health, your family is broken, you struggle in your friendships, academically you can not find sturdy ground, what happens then? what if you begin to question "does God really care about me?" what do you say to someone who is going through that?

it makes me wonder how i would feel if all that was to happen to me, if i was burdened beyond what i could bear.

something else

Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
...
When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me
till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.
Surely you placed them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin.
How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors!
As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.

When my heart was grieved and my soul embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
...
Psalm 73:1-3, 16-26

yesterday at girls' small group, we looked at the intricacies of this psalm, how the author changes from the beginning verses of jealousy for the successful and misery for his own life to full out satisfaction in God. when he says, "whom have i in heaven but you? and earth has nothing i desire besides you" it shows how satisfied he is in the arms of Christ. however, when do you feel completely satisfied? there is always that question of "if only i had_____________ and God, i would be satisfied." i could fill that blank with so many things, just goes to show how much is on my mind that isn't Him. here i am trying to fill my own cup with happiness to the rim, oblivious to small hole at the bottom letting water seep out, when i need to see that my cup should be empty, completely empty, waiting for God to come and fill it up with joy and satisfaction.

there is almost always something else that is missing in my life to make me feel complete. often, i don't realize that i need nothing else because it all perishes away anyways. why invest in the things of this world? you only get a maximum of a 100 year-ish guarantee (most of the time less). i could be living in eternity with God forever and ever and ever. that is ultimate joy.

sometimes i forget that because i'm still caught in the ways of this world. its like quicksand, i am struggling back and forth to get out, but that only brings me deeper. i just need to stop moving, and let God bring me out because He is all powerful.

my something else should be God. it should be "if only i had God and more of God, i would be wholly satisfied."

"He is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him."