Maybe I like it because I can relate to Tom. I've never experienced a terrible breakup like he has, but oftentimes I imagine how an event would play out in my head and what is reality is actually much different. These include expectations of myself, others, and the extra elements that are out of my control. If it's something important, I will replay those expectations over and over in my head, like a play that I direct unfolding before my eyes. Sometimes I catch myself and stop the habit, but most times it comes so naturally that I don't realize it until reality sinks in. More importantly, it reveals how such a seemingly innocent act of imagination can lead to sinful regret and frustration when our expectations do not line up with reality--or better put, when what we want is not what God wants. This happens on a small scale (e.g. preparing for an important interview) or on a large scale (e.g. preparing to raise children). No matter the scale, what I need to remember constantly is Proverbs 19:21, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." May I submit each and every thought, expectation or reality, to the Lord and let him determine my steps!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
expectations vs reality
One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, (500) Days of Summer, is the expectations vs reality scene where the director juxtaposes what Tom expected to happen and what actually happened when he finally realized that his chances with Summer are truly over:
Maybe I like it because I can relate to Tom. I've never experienced a terrible breakup like he has, but oftentimes I imagine how an event would play out in my head and what is reality is actually much different. These include expectations of myself, others, and the extra elements that are out of my control. If it's something important, I will replay those expectations over and over in my head, like a play that I direct unfolding before my eyes. Sometimes I catch myself and stop the habit, but most times it comes so naturally that I don't realize it until reality sinks in. More importantly, it reveals how such a seemingly innocent act of imagination can lead to sinful regret and frustration when our expectations do not line up with reality--or better put, when what we want is not what God wants. This happens on a small scale (e.g. preparing for an important interview) or on a large scale (e.g. preparing to raise children). No matter the scale, what I need to remember constantly is Proverbs 19:21, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." May I submit each and every thought, expectation or reality, to the Lord and let him determine my steps!
Maybe I like it because I can relate to Tom. I've never experienced a terrible breakup like he has, but oftentimes I imagine how an event would play out in my head and what is reality is actually much different. These include expectations of myself, others, and the extra elements that are out of my control. If it's something important, I will replay those expectations over and over in my head, like a play that I direct unfolding before my eyes. Sometimes I catch myself and stop the habit, but most times it comes so naturally that I don't realize it until reality sinks in. More importantly, it reveals how such a seemingly innocent act of imagination can lead to sinful regret and frustration when our expectations do not line up with reality--or better put, when what we want is not what God wants. This happens on a small scale (e.g. preparing for an important interview) or on a large scale (e.g. preparing to raise children). No matter the scale, what I need to remember constantly is Proverbs 19:21, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." May I submit each and every thought, expectation or reality, to the Lord and let him determine my steps!
Monday, September 10, 2012
it's a long one
This weekend and today have been all by the hand of God. I went to my church's annual retreat the weekend before possibly the biggest test of MS2 year (I'm crazy) and was extremely nervous that I would not get any studying done (re: I am still nervous because I didn't get any studying done), but God is wonderful and he will provide like he always has. I can't believe how perfectly planned retreat was. The speaker spoke straight into my heart's deepest anxieties and burdens and helped me to see things from a different, more Christ-centered perspective. Several issues have been on my mind, including school/career and relationships, and a lot of it was due to the fact that theses two areas of my life were left with much to be wanted. MS2 year has been hard, and although not as much of a drag as MS1 year, still a daily struggle. Just two days before retreat, I called my parents and had a long talk about quitting medical school again or pursuing other career paths or taking a break somewhere in the middle, etc. and it ended with me resigned to where I have to be for the next 2+ years. But God is wondrous, and at this retreat he reminded me of how easily our minds stray from him and how quickly our thoughts become our own and not his. One big thing the speaker talked about was from 2 Corinthians 10:5, "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." I realized how most of these thoughts, though I tried to seek God's wisdom through prayer, were still essentially mine. I was letting doubt cloud God's will for me. I didn't think I could finish medical school and become a good physician or even make it past this next big test, and those thoughts hindered me from seeing Christ work. I took control of my thoughts and it caused me to stumble bad. But here it says that we take every thought captive to obey Christ -- it is an active process that we do to set our eyes on Christ, to set our thoughts, our heart, and our will on that of Jesus. Even in the rough times when things are dragging or getting in the way, we take captive every thought to obey Christ. They are no longer our thoughts but we think through the mind of God.
Another learning point was when the speaker talked about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, which is still one of my favorite events in the life of Christ. As he was reading the passage and delving into it, I just kept thinking of how so many times I have pleaded with God to take this cup (med school, relationships, etc) away from me so that I would not have to suffer through this anymore. And each time, I would let go of my will and let his will be done, but I always did it begrudgingly, as if there is no other option. But I have a choice; Jesus had a choice, and he did not choose to follow God kicking and screaming the whole way there, but "for the joy that was set before him endured the cross". Man that's powerful. It still amazes me to this day the sacrifice of Jesus to mankind. It emphasizes how far I still am from Christ--how my feeble attempts to follow his will in my life can't compare to the joy that he had when he obeyed God. But it also encourages and strengthens me to push ahead and to take on Christ's obedience and mindset as I remind myself that for the joy set before me I will endure until the end in everything that I do. My heart, mind, and will must be open to God, and he will work great things.
Finally, last point from today at our weekly Southwestern Christian Fellowship meetings, was from the speaker who is the director of Christ Community Health Fellowship. He shared about how they started in inner city Memphis and how God placed this vision on the hearts of 4 medical students to start this primary care clinic for the poor. He talked about the growth that they have experienced and the missional living that has shaped a lot of their ministry. They are truly crazy people for God. It reminded me of the talks at Urbana '06 (which he was actually at) and how we must dwell among the people as Christ dwelt among us. It was just another reconfirmation from God that this is where I am called to be. No matter if it is in a developing country, or right here in the US, the underserved areas all over the world are where I need to be. The great part is that they offer 4-yr electives and residency rotations where you can work at the clinic, live in the neighborhoods, and attend the house churches where patients who go to the clinic and hear about them attend every Sunday. His talk also got me thinking about what God's vision is for me as physician (wow never thought I would say that) and how I have the power to start that today, not 4 years down the road when I'm already a resident and almost out. One final thing he mentioned that aroused my attention was an analogy of medical school (or any other career field) as a "safe" vortex. We start the journey at the top of the vortex unaware of what will be demanded us, and things are still pretty calm. But slowly each year we are sucked deeper and deeper and become more and more invested with our focus shifting toward 4 main things in this life -- security, affluence, family, entertainment. By the end of it when we reach the bottom of the vortex, it's hard to get out, and it's hard to see beyond the kingdom we have created for ourselves. I feel this vortex already, and it's a struggle to fight against, but I trust that God will guard my heart against the ways of not just the secular world but even the imperfect Christian world and keep me focused on the furthering of his kingdom until all nations have heard the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Another learning point was when the speaker talked about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, which is still one of my favorite events in the life of Christ. As he was reading the passage and delving into it, I just kept thinking of how so many times I have pleaded with God to take this cup (med school, relationships, etc) away from me so that I would not have to suffer through this anymore. And each time, I would let go of my will and let his will be done, but I always did it begrudgingly, as if there is no other option. But I have a choice; Jesus had a choice, and he did not choose to follow God kicking and screaming the whole way there, but "for the joy that was set before him endured the cross". Man that's powerful. It still amazes me to this day the sacrifice of Jesus to mankind. It emphasizes how far I still am from Christ--how my feeble attempts to follow his will in my life can't compare to the joy that he had when he obeyed God. But it also encourages and strengthens me to push ahead and to take on Christ's obedience and mindset as I remind myself that for the joy set before me I will endure until the end in everything that I do. My heart, mind, and will must be open to God, and he will work great things.
Finally, last point from today at our weekly Southwestern Christian Fellowship meetings, was from the speaker who is the director of Christ Community Health Fellowship. He shared about how they started in inner city Memphis and how God placed this vision on the hearts of 4 medical students to start this primary care clinic for the poor. He talked about the growth that they have experienced and the missional living that has shaped a lot of their ministry. They are truly crazy people for God. It reminded me of the talks at Urbana '06 (which he was actually at) and how we must dwell among the people as Christ dwelt among us. It was just another reconfirmation from God that this is where I am called to be. No matter if it is in a developing country, or right here in the US, the underserved areas all over the world are where I need to be. The great part is that they offer 4-yr electives and residency rotations where you can work at the clinic, live in the neighborhoods, and attend the house churches where patients who go to the clinic and hear about them attend every Sunday. His talk also got me thinking about what God's vision is for me as physician (wow never thought I would say that) and how I have the power to start that today, not 4 years down the road when I'm already a resident and almost out. One final thing he mentioned that aroused my attention was an analogy of medical school (or any other career field) as a "safe" vortex. We start the journey at the top of the vortex unaware of what will be demanded us, and things are still pretty calm. But slowly each year we are sucked deeper and deeper and become more and more invested with our focus shifting toward 4 main things in this life -- security, affluence, family, entertainment. By the end of it when we reach the bottom of the vortex, it's hard to get out, and it's hard to see beyond the kingdom we have created for ourselves. I feel this vortex already, and it's a struggle to fight against, but I trust that God will guard my heart against the ways of not just the secular world but even the imperfect Christian world and keep me focused on the furthering of his kingdom until all nations have heard the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Friday, September 7, 2012
It is a proper and excellent thing for infinite glory to shine forth; and for the same reason, it is proper that the shining forth of God's glory should be complete; that is, that all parts of his glory should shine forth, that every beauty should be proportionably effulgent, that the beholder may have a proper notion of God. It is not proper that one glory should be exceedingly manifested, and another not at all. . . .
Thus it is necessary, that God's awful majesty, his authority and dreadful greatness, justice, and holiness, should be manifested. But this could not be, unless sin and punishment had been decreed; so that the shining forth of God's glory would be very imperfect, both because these parts of divine glory would not shine forth as the others do, and also the glory of his goodness, love, and holiness would be faint without them; nay, they could scarcely shine forth at all.
If it were not right that God should decree and permit and punish sin, there could be no manifestation of God's holiness in hatred of sin, or in showing any preference, in his providence, of godliness before it. There would be no manifestation of God's grace or true goodness, if there was no sin to be pardoned, no misery to be saved from. How much happiness soever he bestowed, his goodness would not be so much prized and admired. . . .
So evil is necessary, in order to the highest happiness of the creature, and the completeness of that communication of God, for which he made the world; because the creature's happiness consists in the knowledge of God, and the sense of his love. And if the knowledge of him be imperfect, the happiness of the creature must be proportionably imperfect.
- Jonathan Edwards
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