roller coaster year

Flipping through my journal from this year, I see the high and low points of a very eventful year. Just in terms of emotions, I have felt extremely loved, depressed, encouraged, distraught, joyful, determined, ecstatic, and apathetic in a substantial way during this year.

The year started a little dreary -- struggling with future career possibilities and fighting against idols I made of other people. I said in 2010 that I was not very cognizant of my sin, but I think God fixed that in me as all I could see were the flaws in my life and how far from God I was in so many ways. But even in the midst of my personal struggles, God's grace in ministry really gave me joy and it was a uplifting feeling to know that he is always faithful to his children. Small group with the sophomore girls was one of the biggest blessings of this year and my life. I learned how broken I was as a Christian and how hungry people were for God. It spurred my desire to share the gospel in my life and changed the way I viewed evangelism. My priorities in life were shifted as the urgency of the gospel and salvation was made clear to me. As senior year started coming to a close, I reflected on all that God had done in these four years. It doesn't need repeating, but Jesus is truly miraculous. The friends I have made I will cherish in my heart, for they lived life with me for these past four years and we saw each other grow up and mature in Christ. Even now, when we are further apart and on our own paths, our fellowship still connects us together.

Then came one of the hardest decisions of my life, moving to Dallas. I was unsure about it for many reasons, and even to this day I'm not sure I had a clear idea this was the right thing to do. All I know is that I felt like God was telling me that I can leave Houston, that there is more to life than what I find comfortable in this world. It didn't seem like things would be great in the first couple of months. No close friends, no strong fellowship, no family next door, but God showed me again and again that he was all I needed, my sole Provider. All those things I found comfort and joy in disappeared and Jesus was the only one left. In my lowest points, I contemplated a lot of things -- dropping out, running away back to Houston, switching careers and going into seminary, taking my life (very very brief consideration) -- but I was reminded through his word that everything that was bringing me down was all rooted in sin. This desire to have my needs fulfilled by those around me -- fellowship, community, acceptance -- was all being satisfied by Jesus, and what I needed to do was to look toward the needs of others and use God's power to fulfill them. God picked up me from the pit I dug myself into. He has shown me that this is where he wants me, med school is where I need to be, and Dallas is where I will serve for the next four years or more of my life.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. - Proverbs 3:3


I love how we all know stuff about God because the Bible tells us, but it's awesome when you have experienced that quality of God firsthand. It really is like a scavenger hunt for God (or as P. Fred likes to call it, "God hunt"), and as we find more and more of him, we get closer and closer to our ultimate prize awaiting us in heaven.

At the beginning of this year I wrote down promises (i.e. resolutions) I made to God. Although I didn't keep a lot of them, I am thankful for the ones I have been able to keep relatively well:
- to treat my parents with respect and kindness
- to read the Word every day (give or take a few days) and apply part of it to my life
- to pray earnestly for those around me and be honest to God when I don't feel like praying
- to serve consistently in one area of ministry
- to always be kingdom-minded

There were lots of ups and downs, but my Lord is my rock and my strength. His love endures forever.

resolving conflict

I don't usually have conflicts with people, and when I do I tend to be the accommodating type where I will let them be happy if it means that I won't. It really isn't a healthy way of resolving conflict because it feeds into a "people pleaser" mentality. It also prevents me from really speaking up about what I want, almost to the point that it's natural for me to not say anything unless I am specifically asked. It also causes me to store up judgment in my heart against the things I disagree with or wish went another way. So in the end I hurt myself spiritually by allowing that sin to develop in my heart. Sadly, even though I know this is true, it's hard for me to change. Like today, I sat in on a Sunday school class on resolving conflict (which is what got me thinking about this), and as I was sitting there, I kept thinking about things that I could have said, should have said but didn't. Things that I think would have benefited others, but I didn't want to offend anyone. Being the "new girl" in town I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. This situation occurs more often than I would like. But each time, I never take the initiative to say anything. I'm scared of sounding prideful, 'holier than thou', or like I know more than they do, which I don't, but I can't quite discern when it is right to speak the truth in love. The Bible says we should always do that in order to build up the body of Christ (Eph 4:15-16); however, I think the hard part is for people to take what you say in love. Truth hurts, and even when said in love, it can still sting. Maybe I have been so reserved in my speech here because I don't know the other person well enough to know how they would take it. And, no, that's not a legit excuse; it's definitely something I need to work on and pray more about. Jesus was never on earth to please people; he offended more people than he pleased. He lived for a higher purpose to glorify God above all things, and I need to break away from myself and do that too.

complacency

"At that time I will search Jerusalem with lamps and punish those who are complacent, who are like wine left on its dregs, who think, 'The Lord will do nothing, either good or bad.'"
- Zephaniah 1:12

I never thought of complacency as believing that God is not something--I always thought it was something about us believers, how we don't do much for the kingdom of God. But thinking more about it I realized that the reason we become complacent stems from our lack of faith in God's power. We put him in a box and set limits on what he can and cannot do, where he can and cannot work. Ultimately we start losing that childlike faith we once had and become complacent to our faith. Do I hold that mentality that the Lord will do nothing, either good or bad? I think a lot of times I pray that God will do something but I don't really believe it. The other day I was praying for God to heal someone's mother from cancer and it felt wrong to pray for God to actually heal her. Maybe it was because medically speaking she wouldn't last much longer or I could just have little faith in the power of healing. We can all reasonable say that God is good and not have much doubt in that because he has blessed us aplenty, but I know for myself I cannot say that God can do the very good, or the extraordinary good. I forget that passage in Ephesians that talks about the power of God manifested in what Christ did on the cross, how he rose him from the dead and placed him as the head of the church, with all power and dominion. I constantly fail to connect the saving power of the gospel with the ordinary dealings in my life, and as a result, my view of God is chipped away bit by bit. May we all use the gospel as a measuring stick against what we believe God can and cannot do. If he can save us from our sins, from what separated us from him in the beginning, what can he not do?

If you haven't been keeping up with current news, maybe this will be a shocker: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/09/penn-state-scandal-timeline-jerry-sandusky_n_1084204.html

After reading this article and many related articles, I am still in complete and utter shock. I usually don't post about current events but this is beyond belief. How can so many people cover for this one man, this one institution's reputation? How can the lives and innocence of 8 children not matter more than one's career and prestige? How can someone say, "We all need to pray a little prayer for those affected," and expect that that will be good enough? Just a little prayer?

There's so much wrong with this picture, but I think one thing that we can all learn from this how depraved this world really is becoming -- to the point where personal gain overrides moral responsibility to others. Evil spirits in the traditional sense may not be present in America, but evil does reign in the hearts of many. I just pray that those who were perpetrators in this scandal may see their need for the one true Savior, the only one who can save them from their sin. No philanthropy, good deeds, future amends to past wrongs can heal the hurt that has been afflicted. I pray for the families of the afflicted children, especially the ones who have probably been forgotten, that God would heal the agony and suffering they have been through, and through God's forgiveness, they can forgive those who have so terribly wronged them.

Things like this make me wish Jesus could come back just a little sooner...

coming home

love the subtle change of the lyrics to reflect the beautiful parable of the prodigal son and the grace that awaits us in God's kingdom

oh, and they sing well.

dry bones come to life

He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?"
I said, "O Sovereign Lord, you alone know."
...'This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord...O my people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.'"

- Ezekiel 37:3-6, 12b-14

When I read this passage and imagine Ezekiel in a valley full of dry bones and the Lord calling him to bring life to these bones, I would probably think the same way -- Lord...I don't know...they're dead already. Yet, despite his doubt, he still obeys and prophesies to the bones and they come to life. The same thing happens again when Ezekiel notices that they have life but no breath; he obeys God and prophesies that breath would enter the bones, and it does. It's interesting that none of this happens because of Ezekiel, none of what God proclaims is due to what Ezekiel has done. The number of times that "I" is used shows who is in control of the situation, who is powerful enough to bring life even into dead bones. Only God can restore us to Him, only He is mighty to take what was dead and resurrect it into something beautiful and living.

Lord, in this dry and weary place, where spiritual darkness covers almost every corner, breath life into the dry and dead bones. Let them hear your Word and receive your Spirit. Open up their graves and bring them back to You. Let them see with their eyes and heart that you alone have done it, you alone are the Lord.

in every season

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me


Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me


At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?


-----


This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides


And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames


And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand


All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship


This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

'Tis so sweet to be renewed each day by the God who loves us so dearly, to know that in every season, no matter where we are, God is the one who provides, He is the one who loves, and He is the reason we worship.

the wisdom of stability

"Whether we think we have options or not, the wisdom of stability suggests that we can only begin to grow spiritually by accepting the gift of faith in the place where we are. We choose neither to flee to a better place on earth nor to despair in the face of demons that taunt us where we are. By God's grace, we stand and sing, 'Just like a tree planted by the waters / I shall not be moved.'

This refusal to flee is not a denial of our need for conversion but a confession of the renewal we always need. We are, after all, a pilgrim people on a journey toward our true home. We are Abraham's children, called to go to a land that God will show us. We are Israel in Egypt, trusting God to lead us out of bondage, through the waters and into the Promised Land. We are disciples of the resurrected Jesus, hearing once again that He is going ahead of us into Galilee. Like the first disciples, we must follow after Him. We are on a journey, marching up the King's highway, climbing Jacob's ladder to a building not made by hands. "


- Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, The Wisdom of Stability


interesting argument he makes...really goes against the idea that spiritual growth will come at its greatest when we move and say, "God is calling me from ____to ____"

smattering of thoughts

please please please God be my strength. i try so hard but nothing works. i see people around me, successful, poised, happy, carefree, and i wonder what i am missing. "surely in vain i have kept my heart pure; in vain i have washed my hands in innocence."

yet, Lord you still reign. you have prepared a way for me. i know this but in my heart i still haven't trusted in it. even when i feel most alone, you are always with me and you hold me in your hand. your presence comforts even the weakest parts of me. as i cry out, you listen and answer with your unfailing love. i'm sorry for how inadequate i am, how i doubt you, disown you, wrestle against you. teach me and mold me. take my faults and make them your treasures. i pray my life may be anthem of your love.

i have pitied myself too much. i have selfishly looked only at my own struggles and forgotten the greater struggles surrounding me. i have lost sight of what it means to love and comfort, to show compassion, to live by the Spirit.

"whom have i in heaven but You? and earth has nothing i desire besides You. my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

"...but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understand and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight." - Jeremiah 9:24

The Lord renews me everyday. It is only by His grace and power that I live. God tells the Israelites that they cannot boast in their wisdom, their strength, their riches, for in none of these things does God delight. God only cares for us to know and understand Him. Here in medical school the easiest thing is to compare yourself to a standard, whether it be one set by the accomplishments of your peers or one you establish yourself as a benchmark for how hard you need to work. It is so tempting to just focus on what is at hand, studying to be the best medical student/future doctor you can be, and to push everything else aside for the sake of that goal. I'm guilty of that and so often do I need to remind myself that my worth does not come from my career path or the steps that I take toward it -- my worth only comes from what Jesus has done on the cross. Nothing else matters outside of the love that God has shown us. May I turn to Him and draw closer in intimacy and knowledge of my Lord and Savior.

So, I haven't started actual med school yet, but one word can describe my feelings so far about moving to Dallas: self-pitying. I pitied myself and the challenges that I have yet to face, the people I have yet to work with, the loneliness that I felt in the first few days, and the list could go on for a while. I sat in my room for the first couple nights crying and thinking, "Why me? Why did I have to leave?" It's funny how things work out. I knew why I had to leave -- I made fellowship and community into an idol -- yet when I was faced with the alternative -- make God the only Lord of my life -- it didn't come easily. I guess it's like when an addict stops chewing tobacco and knows that staying completely clean is the best solution, but he can't help but chew on gum constantly to "keep his mouth busy". I guess without community around me the first thing I turned to was myself and pitying my situation, but having self-pity is the same as being boastful, just opposite ends of the spectrum. The underlying sin is the same. But God, again, in his good timing, reminded me of what is important.

"I am the LORD, and there is no other." 

God repeats this countless times in Isaiah when he talks to the Israelites about their idolatry and turning to other nations to save them from their despair. They have forgotten the most important thing of all, that God is the Lord of all creation, sustainer of the universe, almighty God, our Savior, Redeemer, and wonderful Counselor. They, and we too, forget because of all the other "stuff" that is in our life, all the other idols we place before God. Essentially we are saying, "God is Lord, but there might be others out there." It has taken me four years to start to realize the deep idols in my heart, how much of my faith and worth comes from what others see me as and what I have accomplished as a servant of God. I see a glimpse of that now because when I don't have any of that around me, I have felt empty, lost, in need of love. I truly have forgotten the root of it all, how much God pursues me with his love and how to receive that through the grace given through the death and life of Jesus Christ.

Lord God, please open my heart and let me be pursued by You and You alone.

the end of a chapter

It's all coming to an end, at least what came of these last four years. I never imagined that my life in Houston would end in such a bittersweet way. Although I have about 5 days left, I have already made closure on most things. Now I'm just biding my time waiting for when I will pack up all my stuff and move up. I reflected a couple months ago on how big of an impact college has made on my life, but in just these last 3 months of summer, so much has happened that I have had to reflect again. Camp was great, no, amazing, and these last couple days have been spent well with my God -- I really don't have too many complaints. God has prepared me emotionally and spiritually to leave Houston with a peaceful heart and embark on a new chapter in my life.

The more and more I read the Bible and learn about God, the more I see the beauty of the gospel and how God just works on His own. Witnessing the Holy Spirit work in my campers was remarkable and increased the faith I had in its power. I realized that it's in my weakness that God is able to work and bring glory to His name. "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Cor 12:9). That verse makes so much more sense to me now and it is something that I will treasure for the rest of my life. God is continually humbling me to see how much I need to trust in Him and that all things will work together for good because He is eternally good.


So as I was preparing to leave for Dallas, my biggest concern/worry was what would happen in this new place, how I would find community, how the adjustment would be going into med school. I told myself to not worry because God will provide, but that was partially an empty promise to myself to make me feel better inside. Now, however, I understand more what my heart knew to be true -- God will work through your weakness, your fears, your doubts, and ultimately bring greater glory to Himself than you could do on your own. He will make a way. He will go before and lead me as He has done so many times in the past. I haven't realized it until more recently, but God has been preparing me this whole summer to receive with joy this new chapter of my life. The trials and struggles I have encountered are molding me to trust in Him and surrender more and more of myself (my goals, dreams, expectations) in order to embrace His perfect plan for me. I have confidence that my God is an awesome God -- He will never fail me.

moving mountains

And Jesus answered them, "Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' it will happen. And whenever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.
- Matt 21:20-22


Faith would be easy if there was no doubt. It would be easy to trust God, easy to pray and believe our prayers would be answered, easy to follow God's will. But I know, for myself at least, the biggest obstacle to my prayers and thoughts is the ever-present doubt that resides in me. I don't necessarily doubt the big things in life, like whether God exists or not, who Jesus is, etc, but it's those small doubts that add up and prevent me from fully understanding God's character and his love for us. Can God really turn my friend away from sin? Can He really heal my grandfather from his illness? Can He give me the courage to share the gospel with my unbelieving friend? The list goes on and on. Even the statement Jesus makes to the disciples about moving the mountain I have doubt in. Can that really happen?

I am no philosopher or theologian, so I can't make any arguments about the certainty of faith or lack thereof. I can, however, relate my own experience with doubt and how, despite my doubt, God uses my little faith to move mountains. Before I went to China, I had the grand plan of sharing the gospel with my extended family especially my grandpa because he has bladder cancer and may not have much longer to live. So I prepared materials, brought a Chinese Bible, had an idea of how to share in broken Chinese, and flew to China with a lot of excitement. As the first few days passed, fear overtook me and doubt entered.  Questions started flooding my mind and hypothetical situations kept playing back and forth. I knew it wouldn't be easy to share, but I realized it's not because they aren't willing to hear but because I did not have the boldness to share. I decided that maybe God doesn't want me to share this time, maybe next time will be right. So I gave up that idea pretty quickly, but I still felt guilt for ignoring the Spirit's calling. By God's grace, He took the little faith that I had and moved a mountain. Instead of me approaching my family, He graciously had my grandma come to me and ask about my faith. I was taken aback. What the heck was going on? When I thought there was no chance I would ever pull out my Chinese Bible and share the gospel, God knew that there would not be a next time - it had to be this time. With heart pounding and nervous lips, I shared as best as I could with my grandma about the faith I had in Jesus Christ and the love God showed us through His marvelous grace. I avoided using any extra adjectives (because I didn't know any) and shared the bare minimum, which I realize now is beauty in and of itself. Even though my grandma didn't accept right then and there, I praise God for His power in me and providing me the strength to let go of my inhibitions. The one person in my family who I thought would never care to know about Jesus asked me about Him. When I think about it today, I still can't believe that it happened. That is just a glimpse of His greatness and power, His unfailing love for His people.

It reminds me of Nicodemus who in the middle of the night went to find Jesus and ask him about his identity. Even though he was a Pharisee, Jesus shared the greatest truth with him. He may not have believed, but Jesus still spoke with grace and truth. May we have the same boldness of Jesus in telling others of the redemption we have through Him. May our love and knowledge of our great Father increase so that our doubts about Him and ourselves decrease. Where there is a little less doubt and a little more faith, mountains will move.

this is our God

For who is Lord but the Lord?
Who is God except our God?
The highest.
The most good.
The most mighty.
The most omnipotent.
The most merciful, yet most just.
The most hidden, yet most present.
The most beautiful, yet strongest.
The stationary, yet incomprehensible constant. You cannot change, yet You change everything. You are never new, yet never old. You make all things new, yet conquer the proud with old age before they know of its approach.
You are ever working, yet never at rest. You are still gathering yet You lack nothing. You are still supporting, filling, and overspreading; still creating, nourishing, and maturing; still seeking, although You have all things.
You love without yearning, are jealous without bitterness; share our regret without self-reproach; express anger without losing serenity.
When all others fail to finish what they propose, Your purpose remains unchanged. You receive what You found yet had never lost. You are never in need yet rejoice in what You gain. You never covet yet exact excessive payments, so that You may owe. Yet who has anything that is not already Yours? You pay debts when You owe nothing, but in remitting debts You lose nothing.

- St. Augustine

God is Good

Time flies. Less than four years ago I wasn't even a Christian yet, and now here I am standing before all of you about to share lessons that I've learned over the past four years. I won't share about how God gave me new life (you can ask me about it if you're curious), but I want to share about how God became the center of my life. In college, you'll discover if you haven't already that time is money, especially when you have 24 hours each day to yourself. It is a time to focus on what you want to do in life, achieving your short term goals and long term ambitions, possibly finding that special someone, etc. Basically, it is a time for YOU. But that's where I was wrong. God dramatically changed my perspective on life. He took away my childhood dreams and showed me that I needed to trust in His plans. There were many times I wrestled with "knowing God's will" but I realized that I didn't need to know them, I just needed to trust Him. After all, God works out everything for the good of His people as it says in Romans. Trust is something easier said than done. To trust in God, you really have to let go of all presumptions you have about yourself, others, and God and just focus on the Creator himself. He truly is the only one you need. In college it's hard to let go of your agenda, but trust me, no trust God, when He says, "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding." I think that is the biggest lesson that has carried me through college.

But the only way to really trust Him is to know Him, which brings me to my second lesson: the importance of spending time in God's word. I found it far more beneficial to not just read what I want to read but to read systematically through the Bible. Again, our relationship with Christ is not about what we want, it's always about what God wants and that includes how we approach His word. There will be days when you don't want to read, but I learned an important piece of advice: some days will be discipline, some days desire, but every day should be spent in His word.

Third, find some sort of community where you can open up spiritually. That could be with a mentor, accountability partner, bible study, anything that offers a channel for you. I didn't really experience this until the last year and a half, but if you haven't already I suggest getting on this.

Fourth, this may the most important thing aside from number one which was to trust God with everything, serve His kingdom. It's great to know a lot about Jesus and God, but it is lightyears better for you to go out and serve. This includes serving your cell group, your fellowship, your non-believing friends, your family, your community. You don't want to look back and discover that you have not stored up treasure in heaven. You are part of the body of Christ and God calls us to love Him and love others. First comes God, then others, then we love ourselves. But don't just love those who are easy to love, that's not real love. Love those who you know it will be a challenge to love. Jesus loved us even though we were nothing like Him to the point that we hated who He was. So love by serving your brothers and sisters and encouraging them. It's easy to fall into the consumer mentality of "I need spiritual food, I need to feel God's presence, I need God's love". All those things are already there, what's missing is your hand in building God's kingdom, so serve the Lord by serving His people. There is no better way to grow closer to God than to practice love.

Finally, if you need somewhere to start practically, I suggest going through the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5 and see which ones you have and don't have. Start practicing the ones you don't have. You'll be surprised what changes can happen. Go to Urbana. Pray honestly. Go on a mission trip. Remind yourself of God's love and sacrifice for you each and every day. Thanks for everything (literally), CCF.

freshen up

Seeing prospies today for the last time ever was sobering. The exuberance and vivacity they had brought me back to my first day as a college freshman. I had forgotten how exciting the idea of going to college was. The chance to try whatever I want, to have unlimited freedom, to be away from the dramas that came with high school suburbia life. Now, the thought of the future is daunting. Why am I not anxious to begin this new chapter? Just four months ago, I couldn't wait to leave Rice and become a true "adult", but as each day passed, leaving behind all that I have treasured here has been hard, really hard. But who am I to be so reluctant to seek what God has in store for me next? He never asked us to dwell in the blessings of the past. Paul said in Philippians, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Not to say that I will forget college--that definitely won't happen--but Paul is reminding the Philippians that we are not striving for the things of this world but we seek to gain Christ and know Him and the power of his resurrection and to one day attain the same resurrection from the dead. Nothing I have gained for myself in the last four years can compare to prize that awaits me. I must remember that and not discourage myself so much in these last few weeks by holding onto the past and hesitantly stepping toward the future. Christ is the center and focus of my being, nothing else.

this world is so very broken

May God bless you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen

May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen

May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen

-Jonathan Lo, ACT:S Faith and Justice Fellow

love

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked." (Luke 6:32-35)


Simple, but powerful words. It's easy to care for those who are like us and those with whom we get along. It's also easy to avoid those who are different from us and those with whom we don't get along and call that "love". "I'm avoiding any conflict with them, so I am keeping both of us in mind. It is better for the two of us to be as far apart as possible in order to not instigate any conflict or disagreement," we justify with ourselves. But is that really what Jesus wanted us to do?

Jesus, as usual, is very radical. He does not call us to do what is easy in life--loving those who love us back. He reminds us that what is greater, more worthy in God's eyes, is the love we show our enemies. I can quickly say that I don't have any real enemies because I don't get into fights and I avoid drama, but is that enough? I need to be real with myself: there are people that I avoid because I feel uncomfortable around them or because I just want to avoid any kind of disagreement that may occur. Jesus did not do that. He went straight for those who hated him the most, those who would never have a chance on their own to reach the kingdom of God. He dined with them, shared with them, spent almost all his time with them. He stretched his ability to love others and trusted that his love would be an overflow of the Father's love. He lived in the world, but was radically different from it, especially in the realm of loving others.

Lord, please teach me to love more than I am comfortable doing. Place opportunities in my life that will challenge me to trust that You will show love through me. Let me not avoid those with whom I am incompatible and show me how to love them all the more.

http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/resource_files/audio/village_worship/CD-VillageWorship_T09_OverwhelmMe.mp3

when passions are not running high...

...trust in the name of Jesus to carry you through. I have wondered, "Was it the right decision? Why don't I feel joy or any other sort of emotion after I made the decision? Where has the emotional aspect gone?" Maybe this was God's way of teaching me to make more rational decisions, or His way of challenging me to trust Him to a greater extent. The more I think about my life the more God shows me that it's not about me at all. It's not important what I feel at the moment or what I want. It's not about my dreams and ambitions, my gut feelings, my hopes and wonders. I subconsciously seek glory for myself every day, and it always leads me down a slippery slope to pride. How can I lose myself every day in a world that asks me to dream big and save the world? I don't know. Maybe that is someone's calling--which is great--but it's not mine. 

He reminds me once again how I should live my life: "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." 1 Thes 4:11-12. Please teach me, O Lord, what it means to live to be forgotten.