And Jesus answered them, "Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' it will happen. And whenever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.
- Matt 21:20-22
Faith would be easy if there was no doubt. It would be easy to trust God, easy to pray and believe our prayers would be answered, easy to follow God's will. But I know, for myself at least, the biggest obstacle to my prayers and thoughts is the ever-present doubt that resides in me. I don't necessarily doubt the big things in life, like whether God exists or not, who Jesus is, etc, but it's those small doubts that add up and prevent me from fully understanding God's character and his love for us. Can God really turn my friend away from sin? Can He really heal my grandfather from his illness? Can He give me the courage to share the gospel with my unbelieving friend? The list goes on and on. Even the statement Jesus makes to the disciples about moving the mountain I have doubt in. Can that really happen?
I am no philosopher or theologian, so I can't make any arguments about the certainty of faith or lack thereof. I can, however, relate my own experience with doubt and how, despite my doubt, God uses my little faith to move mountains. Before I went to China, I had the grand plan of sharing the gospel with my extended family especially my grandpa because he has bladder cancer and may not have much longer to live. So I prepared materials, brought a Chinese Bible, had an idea of how to share in broken Chinese, and flew to China with a lot of excitement. As the first few days passed, fear overtook me and doubt entered. Questions started flooding my mind and hypothetical situations kept playing back and forth. I knew it wouldn't be easy to share, but I realized it's not because they aren't willing to hear but because I did not have the boldness to share. I decided that maybe God doesn't want me to share this time, maybe next time will be right. So I gave up that idea pretty quickly, but I still felt guilt for ignoring the Spirit's calling. By God's grace, He took the little faith that I had and moved a mountain. Instead of me approaching my family, He graciously had my grandma come to me and ask about my faith. I was taken aback. What the heck was going on? When I thought there was no chance I would ever pull out my Chinese Bible and share the gospel, God knew that there would not be a next time - it had to be this time. With heart pounding and nervous lips, I shared as best as I could with my grandma about the faith I had in Jesus Christ and the love God showed us through His marvelous grace. I avoided using any extra adjectives (because I didn't know any) and shared the bare minimum, which I realize now is beauty in and of itself. Even though my grandma didn't accept right then and there, I praise God for His power in me and providing me the strength to let go of my inhibitions. The one person in my family who I thought would never care to know about Jesus asked me about Him. When I think about it today, I still can't believe that it happened. That is just a glimpse of His greatness and power, His unfailing love for His people.
It reminds me of Nicodemus who in the middle of the night went to find Jesus and ask him about his identity. Even though he was a Pharisee, Jesus shared the greatest truth with him. He may not have believed, but Jesus still spoke with grace and truth. May we have the same boldness of Jesus in telling others of the redemption we have through Him. May our love and knowledge of our great Father increase so that our doubts about Him and ourselves decrease. Where there is a little less doubt and a little more faith, mountains will move.
