thoughts i need to jot down before they get muddled in all this studying

started a tae-bo workout...brings me back to middle school gym when i first did it.

also was introduced to this raw, honest blog written from a rice alumni who has struggled with anorexia bulimia for the past 10 years. from the eyes of a future clinician, this is such a captivating account from the patient's perspective of the struggles one can go through suffering with mental health disorders. this is such a large issue that our medical curriculum has ignored for so long and only recently incorporated more of and this blog is worth a gander : http://onegirlarmystrong.wordpress.com/

constantly witnessing God work through a friend who i now have concluded has the gift of evangelism. she really has a gift and it's beautiful to see the lives she has touched with her boldness to share the gospel

every day realizing more that why God has put me in medical school. currently learning more about the Holy Spirit and recognizing his presence in my life. a dear mentor the other day shared about how he always asks the Spirit to give him the wisdom to know which patients that day he needs to spend a little more time with/pray for/share the gospel. it was immensely encouraging to see how Spirit-driven his vocation and ministry are. i hope to someday be more sensitive to the Spirit's leading and extend the same sort of compassion he has to my patients.

and i'm also glad life of pi won several major oscar awards--it was a fantastically made movie, imo.

and now back to memorizing drugs...

for the sake of the world

Trying to create a lesson plan for teaching Christian high school students on creationism vs evolution might be the hardest thing ever. They aren't stubborn enough to believe only what they know is true but are naive enough to quite possibly believe everything you say as long as it "sounds right". It may also be because I myself don't have a great answer to that question. Back in freshman year I tried to look for the answer and never really came up with something that fit perfectly. Now, tasked with the same search for truth, except with the added pressure of 20 teenagers looking to you for answers, talk about a quick and easy way to humble oneself.

I can't claim to have the answers, and I don't want to claim I do. I know that my Savior is the only one who knows how and why the world was created. Slowly each day he reveals a little more of that knowledge to me, but ultimately my trust is still in him alone and not some theory or amalgamation of ideas. I hope I can convey that to all whom I know in this world and leave the rest of the work up the one who sits at the throne.

"Therefore, to speak strictly according to truth, we may suppose, that a disposition in God, as an original property of his nature, to an emanation of his own infinite fullness, was what excited him to create the world; and so, that the emanation itself was aimed at by him as a last end of the creation." - Jonathan Edwards

It is my prayer that the Lord will continue to fan the flame of my heart to proclaim the steadfast truth of his Son, the word incarnate, for the sake of the world.

gchat

gave it up for lent. day 1 is already pretty hard, not because i use it very often to chat with people, but more because it's just always there even when i am invisible and now it's not. i guess this is a good thing then since now i am reminded of how i need to turn to Christ. let's see how these next 40 days pan out.

I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. (Psalm 119:15)

spiritual pride

Inspired by this lady who was inspired by this man

Pride is something that we all deal with and something that I must fight with every day. Some of the points Edwards made that resonate most with me:

The spiritually proud person shows it in his finding fault with other saints, that they are low in grace and how cold and dead they are, and are quick to discern and take notice of their deficiencies.  The eminently humble Christian has so much to do at home and sees so much evil in his own that he is not apt to be very busy with other hearts.
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Spiritual pride often causes persons to act different in external appearance, to effect a different way of speaking, to use a different sort of dialect from others, or to be different in voice, countenance or behavior.  But he that is an eminently humble Christian, though he will be firm in his duty, however different — going the way of heaven alone, though all the world forsake him — yet he does not delight in being different for difference s sake.
--

Another effect of spiritual pride is to make the subject of it want attention.  People often tend to act in a special manner as though others ought to take great notice and regard of them.  It is very natural to a person that is very much under the influence of spiritual pride to take all the respect that is paid to him.

If others show a disposition to submit to him and yield in deference to him, he is open to it and freely receives it.  It becomes natural for him to expect such treatment and to take much notice if a person fails to do so, and to have an ill opinion of those who do not give him that which he feels he deserves.

One under the influence of spiritual pride is more apt to instruct others than to inquire for himself and so naturally puts on the airs of control.  The eminently humble Christian thinks he needs help from everybody, whereas he that is spiritually proud thinks everybody needs his help.  Christian humility, under a sense of other's misery, entreats and beseeches, but spiritual pride tries to command and warn with authority.

the oasis for my soul

God's word is the oasis for my soul,
the place I retreat to when times are hard,
the voice that sounds when all is in control.
His promises keep me from being scarred,
and instead provide a comforting peace,
one that will always be and never cease.