Lately, I have felt how rudimentary my mind is and how little wisdom I have of my own. I try to solve problems by myself or with the "idea" that God is with me, but in actuality, I have not done anything to bring it before Him. I feel like my mind is raw and imperfect, unable to come to sound conclusions and make wise decisions. It is fickle, changing by the day. I have sought the wisdom of others, and it has helped, but it does not replace the sweetness of the Lord's wisdom and knowledge. I have missed out dearly, and as a result, my heart is twisted into knots. Only God can take this and make it right. Only He can provide true wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Why must my heart go searching elsewhere? I have placed too much faith in the understanding of others and have forgotten to turn to my first friend.
His words are far more precious and pure than any other, and I have left them unattended. I am reminded of this passage in which the Lord's words are taken to be a "hidden treasure" that must be searched for, and once we find it, we may understand what it is to fear the Lord and have his knowledge and understanding. His word is what protects me from evil and allows me to live a life worthy of him.
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield tho those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.
-Proverbs 2:1-8
I feel like often times I am in a never-ending cycle where I, as a child of God, must learn over and over again what it means to give my all to him and love him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. Sometimes I jump to the conclusion that I am getting nowhere, but I realize that all of this is good. All of it is to build me up, develop perseverance, so that I can have character. Through a character that reflects the humility of Jesus, I can have eternal hope in the works of my Father, who does not fail and never ceases to pour his love onto me. Even when I forget to turn to him first for my troubles and end up in this rut, he still patiently waits for me to realize my mistake and like a father, for his daughter to return to his arms so that he can embrace her.
