Many people asked over a year ago why I was moving to Dallas, why I decided to leave the comfort of my home church, one who has seen me grow through college and I am forever grateful for, and my family. My response was always something along the lines of, "I believe that God is calling me to Dallas. He is giving me this amazing opportunity to be at UT Southwestern, and I can't pass it up," or something like, "Community has become an idol in my Christian walk, and I feel like God is calling me to take this leap of faith and journey with him to Dallas." (In actuality, none of my responses were ever this eloquent...this was mainly the idea I was trying to put across). But to be honest, when I said these things, even though I may have had the outward confidence and assurance that God was going to provide, that this was part of his plan, inside I was still a frightened and uneasy girl hoping and praying that she was making the right choice.
Today, almost a year and a half later, I see God's answer clearly. I won't belabor the process and journey that these past 18 months have been (just see the previous posts to get a glimpse), but I do want to write about how awesome the God we worship is. I remember over the summer after my senior year at Rice, I was part of a women's group at HCC and we were going through Jonah. Now, I wasn't very committed, sadly, but the few times I went I really felt convicted by the wisdom that was shared. One particular day, we talked about how Jonah fled the Lord's command to go to Ninevah. He had the mindset that run away from the situation, hoping that God would appoint someone else. Similarly, in our lives, many times we feel God nudging to do this or that, and most of the time we ignore it, or we run away from it, convinced that God has chosen the wrong person. Around the time we went through this passage, I knew that I had to make a decision about Dallas. It was my Ninevah. I didn't understand why I needed to travel 250+ miles to another city when I was doing just fine in my home town. For a while, I tried to flee in my mind, conjuring up reasons why I shouldn't go, why it wasn't "in the plan for me". But God convicted me with the story of Jonah and showed me that there are times he will interrupt our lives and it is an opportunity for us to obey, set aside our plans, and see where God can take us in faith. So that's why I went.
Now I truly understand why He used Jonah's story. At church this week, for the benediction, another passage was shared from Jonah 4:9-11, "But God said to Jonah, 'Do you do well to be angry for the plant?' And he said, 'Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.' And the Lord said, 'You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?'" Jonah was only concerned with his own well-being; when God provided the tree for shade, he was beyond happy for it. But when the Ninevites repented and God forgave them, Jonah was furious that he would show so much grace to a people who rejected him initially. My situation is not quite the same, but the underlying lesson is. God has brought me to Dallas to show me how selfish my heart can be, how my agenda even though I may think it is for the kingdom of God is actually tainted with self-righteousness and a desire to carry out what I believe is best for God's kingdom. But I am gradually realizing how Dallas has served me more than I have served it, how being here has revealed the deep recesses of my heart and made me turn all the more toward God's never-ending grace. The people I have met, the church I have joined, the school I am so honored to be at every day, all of this was the result of a divine interruption. God is showing me, just like he showed Jonah, the heart he has for his people and the love that he hopes his servants can pour out as an offering pleasing to him.
This could turn into a ridiculously long post if I kept going, so I'll save those thoughts for another day...
