Lately, I've been playing Glee songs on repeat on my iPod. I can't explain why but I guess watching the show and listening to the songs remind me of how I have always wanted my life to be a musical. I'm not sure if I could take my life seriously if that happened, but a girl can dream :).
Lately, I've been running a lot more. Every morning after I watch Jonathan and Allyson go on the bus to school, I start my running routine. With each stride I take, I feel the breeze and the coolness of the early morning. As I pass by houses and trees, my eyes fixate on the ducks waddling around, the birds searching for today's food, and I find something new each time I pass by. It reminds me how beautiful Creation really is.
Lately, I've felt less stress and anxiety. I guess that's what summer feels like. I can't believe I have forgotten this feeling that I used to have when I was young. Seeing my brother and sister so carefree brings back sweet memories of the days when I would just go outside and play to my heart's desire with my little friends. I think the sad (maybe?) part is that even with all this free time my life doesn't actually look any different, and I end up wasting a lot of it.
I'm thankful for all of this and more. It blows my mind every time how good God is to us if we just set our hearts on Him. We forget about every suffering we have in life and every problem we have that burdens us, and we just focus on Him. Lately, God has been trying to get my attention, and even though I constantly ignore Him, whenever I do take the time to enjoy Him, there is no better feeling and state of mind.
gleeful = full of jubilant delight; joyful
...maybe the creators of Glee know what they're doing.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4:6-7
I feel like this verse just keeps popping up in my life, but it is something that I desperately need to follow.
- Philippians 4:6-7
I feel like this verse just keeps popping up in my life, but it is something that I desperately need to follow.
Friday, May 7, 2010
reflect
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
- Isaiah 26:3
The idea of perfect peace has always attracted me. It was the reason I came to Christ ("Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened..."), and it is what I most long for in life. Sometimes I feel as if I have almost found it, just barely grasping onto it before it slips away again, and other times I feel so far from it. This year of college has been a constant search for perfect peace.
Junior year has been a time of self-awareness for me, realizing my spiritual gifts, flaws, and weaknesses and striving for what is holy. But I guess through it all my trust in the Lord has grown immensely. Looking back a year ago as I was starting to take MCAT classes, I remember thinking to myself, "What would I do if medicine wasn't in God's plan for me?" and following up with, "I think I would cry myself to death." It's crazy to see how much I have changed just within this year, how my focus and passion have shifted from just wanted to pursue medicine as a career to wanting to serve God in whatever capacity that may be. He has given me a confidence that I have never had before. This confidence allows me to look into the future and not be scared of what may come. But it didn't come very easily.
Last semester, I struggled a lot with finding peace and satisfaction in trusting God. I remember at Urbana I saw the worship leaders talking about finding joy in trusting God, and I could see it from their faces that their words were coming from their heart. It caused me to be frustrated with myself because I could not find that same joy in trusting God even though I knew it was the best thing for me to do. It was after Urbana and coming back to school that I decided to really follow what Isaiah was saying, the man who is kept in perfect peace is the one whose mind is stayed on God. So I pursued God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I did what I knew would please Him. I spent time with people, getting to know them on a deeper level, I entered discipleship, I reached out to some of my non-Christian friends, and I continually prayed. This is not saying I became a perfect follower because I did all of this; I definitely, if anything, started feeling burned out, like all that I was doing was in vain. I realized that I actually was far from focusing on God because so many times when I did stuff was it for a self-seeking purpose. God only made a cameo at the beginning and faded out once things started rolling. It wasn't until Easter that I saw how much sin was creeping into my life, and Jesus brought me to my knees in humility. From then on, it hasn't been easy, but God has been molding my heart to fit his more and more. He has been opening my eyes to see the value of discipline when desire is lacking, investment in brothers and sisters as well as nonbelievers, and work for His and only His glory. I have been able to place more trust in God, knowing that there will be fruit to come of my labor.
I feel tremendously blessed by CCF, and seeing how people have been growing is just incredible. I think this year I have really felt the power of the body of Christ in encouraging and spurring each other on. Though I didn't admit it often, during the times when I was weak or on the brink of burning out, I felt the encouragement and power of prayer from my brothers and sisters. It really touches my heart to see such a loving community care for one another and really pour out their lives. I hope that we can continue to grow as a body and strive to spread God's love to the world around us.
I hope that I can trust God even more with my life, present and yet to come, and love Him and his people even more with the grace that He gives through Christ Jesus our Lord.
- Isaiah 26:3
The idea of perfect peace has always attracted me. It was the reason I came to Christ ("Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened..."), and it is what I most long for in life. Sometimes I feel as if I have almost found it, just barely grasping onto it before it slips away again, and other times I feel so far from it. This year of college has been a constant search for perfect peace.
Junior year has been a time of self-awareness for me, realizing my spiritual gifts, flaws, and weaknesses and striving for what is holy. But I guess through it all my trust in the Lord has grown immensely. Looking back a year ago as I was starting to take MCAT classes, I remember thinking to myself, "What would I do if medicine wasn't in God's plan for me?" and following up with, "I think I would cry myself to death." It's crazy to see how much I have changed just within this year, how my focus and passion have shifted from just wanted to pursue medicine as a career to wanting to serve God in whatever capacity that may be. He has given me a confidence that I have never had before. This confidence allows me to look into the future and not be scared of what may come. But it didn't come very easily.
Last semester, I struggled a lot with finding peace and satisfaction in trusting God. I remember at Urbana I saw the worship leaders talking about finding joy in trusting God, and I could see it from their faces that their words were coming from their heart. It caused me to be frustrated with myself because I could not find that same joy in trusting God even though I knew it was the best thing for me to do. It was after Urbana and coming back to school that I decided to really follow what Isaiah was saying, the man who is kept in perfect peace is the one whose mind is stayed on God. So I pursued God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I did what I knew would please Him. I spent time with people, getting to know them on a deeper level, I entered discipleship, I reached out to some of my non-Christian friends, and I continually prayed. This is not saying I became a perfect follower because I did all of this; I definitely, if anything, started feeling burned out, like all that I was doing was in vain. I realized that I actually was far from focusing on God because so many times when I did stuff was it for a self-seeking purpose. God only made a cameo at the beginning and faded out once things started rolling. It wasn't until Easter that I saw how much sin was creeping into my life, and Jesus brought me to my knees in humility. From then on, it hasn't been easy, but God has been molding my heart to fit his more and more. He has been opening my eyes to see the value of discipline when desire is lacking, investment in brothers and sisters as well as nonbelievers, and work for His and only His glory. I have been able to place more trust in God, knowing that there will be fruit to come of my labor.
I feel tremendously blessed by CCF, and seeing how people have been growing is just incredible. I think this year I have really felt the power of the body of Christ in encouraging and spurring each other on. Though I didn't admit it often, during the times when I was weak or on the brink of burning out, I felt the encouragement and power of prayer from my brothers and sisters. It really touches my heart to see such a loving community care for one another and really pour out their lives. I hope that we can continue to grow as a body and strive to spread God's love to the world around us.
I hope that I can trust God even more with my life, present and yet to come, and love Him and his people even more with the grace that He gives through Christ Jesus our Lord.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
getting well
"Do you want to get well?" I should think the answer would be rather obvious, but seen through a spiritual lens, as this man perhaps would have (John 5:6), it's anything but rhetorical. I mean, if you could be healed of lust or greed or anger or pride or lying, would you really want to? Just like this crippled man whose identity was defined by his disability, our lives too are arranged around such moral furniture and would look quite different without them. And what if "getting well" spiritually meant a painful amputation of a beloved habit, the denial of a personal passion or the death of a dream? Would you still want to be well? When the patient is our souls and not our bodies, everything changes. The issue is no longer "Can Jesus heal?" but "Do I want to get well?"
- Rick James from Jesus Without Religion
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