unbelief and anxiety

And Jesus said to him, "'If you can'! All things are possible for one who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!"...And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, "Why could we not cast it out?" And he said to them, "This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer." (Mark 9:23-24, 28-29)

I believe that God can help me, but I don't always believe he will. Studying for this board exam has been a test of my faith (and it's only like, what, day 3?). Do I believe God will carry me through this? No. Do I believe I can get through this? Not really. Do I get stressed and anxious just thinking about what I have to do? Absolutely.

I know this it the work of the enemy -- it is him getting at my weaknesses and insecurities and magnifying them in my head. It is him taking advantage of my fears and causing me to not trust God with them. It is him lying to me and telling me that I cannot do this. And right now he's winning. I am like the father in this story who wants to believe that Jesus will save his son but still has unbelief.

Today at church the pastor preached on how Jesus teaches us to pray in Luke 11 and how we often do not approach the throne of God because we don't know God well enough. We don't believe that he is our father, who loves us, who is able, who cares for us enough to stop everything he is doing to listen to our meek voices. Part of me believes that right now and this is when I really need to remind myself that this is not true. God cares. He really cares. He cares so much that he sent Jesus to die for us and give us eternal life with him. Life fails us, but the gospel will never fail us. Remember that, Susan.

...casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)